How do I have a constructive conversation?
Bottom line, remember that you are speaking with someone you care about. They are a person, not an issue. Listen, understand and avoid becoming argumentative. Here are some additional tips to keep your conversation constructive:
- Speak on Facetime, Skype or another video chat service
- Start the conversation by saying thank you and catching up a little about personal things
- Reinforce your intentions to understand, not convince, the other
- Avoid talking about people, talk about issues and how they affect each other personally
- Establish some guidelines...for example:
- Listen respectfully, without interrupting
- Listen actively and with an ear to understanding others' views (don’t just think about what you are going to say while someone else is talking)
- Commit to learning, not debating -- comment in order to share information, not to persuade
- Avoid blame, speculation, and inflammatory language
- Avoid assumptions about the other person
- Respond with more questions than comments
- Reflect back what you are hearing (i.e. "It sounds like you are concerned about security and the safety of your family")
- Download and have both people fill out the Burst! conversation worksheet to collect your thoughts ahead of the conversation